From our “Before They Made It Big’ series
(05-17-2013)
When I see that stupid Kentucky Fried Chicken “I Ate The Bones!” commercial, I want to hit it with a stick until it doesn’t move anymore. Then I want to move over to the Yum! Center, located in Louisville, KY and hit it over the dome with the same stick. Really? The “Yum! Center”?
(05-16-2013)
It’s been a long day. Just fill out how I feel about it/you/them.
(05-15-2013)
Early Eastern-European attempts at Hollywood movie makeup
(05-14-2013)
i found this place with NO thanks to to Urbanspoon
(05-13-2013)
a special Mother’s Day tribute from thegatwickview
J. Algernon Hawthorne: I must say that if I had the grievous misfortune to be a citizen of this benighted country, I should be the most hesitant of offering any criticism whatever of any other.
J. Russell Finch: Wait a minute, are you knocking this country? Are you saying something against America?
J. Algernon Hawthorne: Against it? I should be positively astounded to hear anything that could be said FOR it. Why the whole bloody place is the most unspeakable matriarchy in the whole history of civilization! Look at yourself! The way your wife and her strumpet of a mother push you through the hoop! As far as I can see, American men have been totally emasculated- they’re like slaves! They die like flies from coronary thrombosis while their women sit under hairdryers eating chocolates & arranging for every 2nd Tuesday to be some sort of Mother’s Day! And this positively infantile preoccupation with bosoms. In all time in this wretched Godforsaken country, the one thing that has appalled me most of all this this prepostrous preoccupation with bosoms. Don’t you realize they have become the dominant theme in American culture: in literature, advertising and all fields of entertainment and everything. I’ll wager you anything you like that if American women stopped wearing brassieres, your whole national economy would collapse overnight.
(05-12-2013)
In the long run he has done the right thing.
(05-10-2013)
The truth pokes its tongue out at humanity in the oddest ways. While here on a beach in Northern Carolina, I observed a jet and its vapor trail. The first picture shows the jet heading toward the sun (app. 1:30 local time). The second picture, minutes later, shows the same jet’s vapor trail bi-sect an area in the sky where two objects appear. The one on the left is the sun while the one to the right of the vapor trail appears to be a planet of unknown origin. After I took the picture and looked “live” at the same area, this new object was missing. It’s been rumored for decades that the government has been releasing trace amounts of sodium flouride, or “the ‘obey us’ chemical” in the vapor trails of military and passenger jets. Once inhaled and absorbed into the bloodstream, the victim is subject to any command, verbal or visual, through overt or covert means, usually by subliminal messaging. It’s obvious that the message I received after this incident was, “What extra planet? Go about your business. By the way there’s a pretty shell. Go pick it up.”
(05-09-2013)
DENTIST, n. A prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coins out of your pocket.
… Hi, I’m Holdy the Toothbrush Holder. The preceding message by Ambrose Bierce shows what a jerk some people can be, always finding the crappy side of life, always peeing on everyone’s parade. Me? I’m just here to help people hold their toothbrushes. That’s all.
(05-08-2013)
Magicians disappear all the time, but as soon as a regular person does it, everyone gets scared. “Tom’s gone!” “Is he a magician?” “No.” “Then let’s print up some flyers!
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Mitch Hedberg
(05-07-2013)
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the work week starts long before I get to the office
(05-06-2013)
To our friends in Denver: Up against the wall, winter.
(05-02-2013)
The month of May should begin with a smile.
(05-01-2013)
It’s never too early to practice for National Disobedience Day, July 3rd.
(04-30-2013)
